Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Rock River Raft Race Under Fire After Dozens of Geese Barred from Entering
This wing-crafted float will not be seen floating down the Rock River with geese pooping on it.
Wednesday, June 28th.
Feathers have been ruffled. A number geese have gaggled together to issue an official complaint to the Rock River Raft Race commissioners after being denied entry on the basis of– well, sigh, they’re geese.
The rules of the race clearly state, “No animals allowed on any rafts,” which is exactly the language people and geese on Facebook with nothing better to do take issue with.
Geese have been using the Rock River to host cheesy raft races since Rockford’s crime rate was less than one percent. The geese are arguing that it is immoral to boot them from their nesting grounds and pooping water just so some east-siders can splash around.
If the demands of the geese are not met, violent protests can be expected. Goose attacks on humans and sub-human local scumbags have been on the rise for the past two years and there are no signs of slowing down.
Related Articles
Proud Local Transforms His Love For The Rockford Into a Tattoo
Rockford, IL – Our staff was emailed a photo of a local person who loves The Rockford so much that
Peter Venkman Endorses Kleen and Hughes’ Mayoral Campaigns
Rockford, IL – Dr. Peter Venkman, professional Ghostbuster, threw his endorsement hat into the 2013 Rockford Mayoral race for both
Rockford, We Are Not The Onion and I Own a Yacht
Hello, it’s me again: Nate, Gene’s brother. I’m writing to you from a yacht off the coast of the Cayman
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: