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Crime Prevention Carp Language Discovered

Rockford, IL – Imagine two carp swimming in the Mighty Rock River. You hear a series of clicks, whistles and whines coming from each; much like a conversation in Dolphin language.  It seems one carp can call another carp specifically by

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Battle for Middle Earth Climaxes to a Pause

Rockford, IL – The battle for Middle Earth reached a climax in Rockford last night.  Everyone moaned to a pause to check their smart phones for a few minutes. Minutes are now hours. Instagram feeds became overloaded touch-screens with photos

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Famous Bank Robber Stimulates Forest City With Endowment

ROCK-O-FORD, IL – The FCDBI (Forest City Dream Bureau Investigators) and local RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) are searching for a man dubbed “Penis Gun Steve”.  Steve is believed to have robbed two banks earlier this year and attempted to rob

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Downtown Vigil Rallies City Against Forbes Meanies

Rockford, IL – Local artists and politicians rallied last night in downtown Rockford to pray for everyone working for Forbes Magazine.  We were there to talk to a bunch of local celebrities, so that if someone inside of Forbes Magazine

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Misery Loves Your City’s Cream Puffs: Chief Tchad Beale’s State of The City’s Address to the Mayor and it’s Community’s Aspiring Cream Puffs

  Rockford, IL – Editor and tribal leader of RKFDNews.com, Chief Tchad Beale, provides a state of the city address response to the Mayor and to the miserably original City of Rockford. Dear Poor People of Rockford, IL,   I

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GAP Store Returns To Rockford

Fuckford, IL – Guess what’s coming back to Rockford? The very popular clothing store, GAP, is building a clearance rack warehouse with an adjoining storefront and fruit juice bar at Perryvillage & Wrote (more sh!t for you) roads.  It left

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