Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
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Breaking Noose
Back to homepageCrime Prevention Carp Language Discovered
Rockford, IL – Imagine two carp swimming in the Mighty Rock River. You hear a series of clicks, whistles and whines coming from each; much like a conversation in Dolphin language. It seems one carp can call another carp specifically by
Read MoreBattle for Middle Earth Climaxes to a Pause
Rockford, IL – The battle for Middle Earth reached a climax in Rockford last night. Everyone moaned to a pause to check their smart phones for a few minutes. Minutes are now hours. Instagram feeds became overloaded touch-screens with photos
Read MoreFamous Bank Robber Stimulates Forest City With Endowment
ROCK-O-FORD, IL – The FCDBI (Forest City Dream Bureau Investigators) and local RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) are searching for a man dubbed “Penis Gun Steve”. Steve is believed to have robbed two banks earlier this year and attempted to rob
Read MoreDowntown Vigil Rallies City Against Forbes Meanies
Rockford, IL – Local artists and politicians rallied last night in downtown Rockford to pray for everyone working for Forbes Magazine. We were there to talk to a bunch of local celebrities, so that if someone inside of Forbes Magazine
Read MoreMisery Loves Your City’s Cream Puffs: Chief Tchad Beale’s State of The City’s Address to the Mayor and it’s Community’s Aspiring Cream Puffs
Rockford, IL – Editor and tribal leader of RKFDNews.com, Chief Tchad Beale, provides a state of the city address response to the Mayor and to the miserably original City of Rockford. Dear Poor People of Rockford, IL, I
Read MoreGAP Store Returns To Rockford
Fuckford, IL – Guess what’s coming back to Rockford? The very popular clothing store, GAP, is building a clearance rack warehouse with an adjoining storefront and fruit juice bar at Perryvillage & Wrote (more sh!t for you) roads. It left
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